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Publication Date: June 18th, 2025
The Shallot: Hudson Common Sense’s Satirical Dispatch from the Frontlines of Local Absurdity
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In Brief: Hudson’s billionaire-backed nonprofits are quietly brokering a backroom power-sharing deal to avoid scrutiny and preserve tax perks. The proposed deal would install Peter Spear as mayor and Joe Ferris as city manager, sidelining actual voters.
Leaked from a former spook, the plan includes strategic appointments, appeasement, bribing Kamal Johnson out of office with real estate and a soft landing. Locals call it reform. The Shallot calls it The Hudson Accords.
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Leaked communiqués, believed to have emanated from Billy Blowers’s phone, were shared with The Hudson Wail, which it is rumored is operated by one of three former intelligence operatives now residing in Hudson, all of whom retired but, according to multiple sources, two could not quite let go of the tradecraft, HUMINT collection, and small-town reconnaissance work that once defined their purpose.
Negotiations reportedly began in earnest after the Ferris–Johnson debate, when the loudest applause of the evening came at the expense of Galvan. At that moment, global satellite phones lit up and the foundations reportedly realized that the tax-dodging, PILOT-abusing charade might be up. In a now-confirmed inversion of typical public participation norms, no one earning over $100,000 USD, or capable of surviving without government subsidy and untested aid will be consulted. One planner was overheard saying, “They already have options. We’re focused on those who still attend community visioning sessions unironically and can manufacture emotional appeals to Albany.”
The Galvan-Spark détente, described internally as “Operation Don’t Rock the Yacht,” proposes a unity government to preserve Hudson’s unique fusion of moral seriousness and soft-glow real estate photography. A single agreement that would neuter the City Charter reformers, placate the aspiring mayors, and keep embarrassing documents out of sight.
Peter Spear, whose soft-spoken, camera-facing alley rambles have already covered more ground than most City of Hudson vehicles, is slated for appointment as Mayor. Supporters cite his pedestrian mileage, moodboard energy, and the sense that he “feels mayoral, in a deeply post-cynical way.” He agreed to continue Alley Chats and launch the Citizen Assembly only after Trump has termed out.
Is it a Patroon, a philanthropist, or a PILOT?
Joe Ferris, the only man in Columbia County who has read the entire zoning code without blinking, will assume the newly minted role of City Manager. Tireless, sincere, and incapable of mendacity, Ferris is said to combine inbox-zero discipline with a work ethic usually reserved for farmhands and census enumerators. “He doesn’t just want to help,” one Galvan executive sighed. “He needs to.” And Hudson needs him.
Lloyd Koedding, insurgent candidate, signature-magnet, and occasional homeowner, is slated to become Director of Housing Justice, a position described as both real and useful, a rare example of city payroll actually solving a problem. Given Koedding’s experience living in public housing, private housing, a car, and reportedly a barn, his supporters argue he has seen all four housing quadrants. “The man is his own case study,” noted one wonk from Bard, or is it Barnard. His appointment is contingent on not running and, ideally, endorsing the compromise. He is the RFK Jr, of the moment.
However, negotiations have stalled over Kamal Johnson, locally popular and globally unaware, who is reportedly reluctant to give up Hudson's Galvan-sponsored Mayoral Residence on Union Street, recently christened The People’s Porch. His proposed appointment as Youth Center Director is further complicated by the city’s continued need for one litigant to settle an unresolved harassment claim. Aides are reportedly divided on whether his appointment would resolve or exacerbate the matter. Meanwhile, Justin Weaver, the mayoral aide and ADA Officer, was overheard requesting a transport subsidy for Kamal to commute between Hudson and Albany in a black Escalade, citing the logistics of a burgeoning cannabis and housing lobbying career, and Michelle Tullo completing a secondment with NYC Mayoral DSA / Democratic Candidate Zohran Mamdani. Colarusso may yet step in to sweeten the pot and get everyone across the waterline, but only if the newly muscular Planning Board backs off and Donna is only permitted one Waterfront Awareness meeting per month.
In a moment of rare intellectual clarity and scheduling availability, bestselling author Anand Giridharadas described the situation as a case of elite do-gooding that masks elite self-dealing. According to his framework, Galvin and Spark represent a kind of philanthropic municipal capture, offering the illusion of uplift without the reality of redistribution, while governing not through consensus but through gentrified trust-fund colonialism.
Meanwhile, the half-dozen female Spark employees, the dozens on Galvan’s payroll, and the Kamal-affiliated get-out-the-vote machine, collectively known as the Kamal Cabal, operating under the banners of youth-serving 501(c)(3)s such as Kite’s Flight, Hudson Neighborhood Capture, and the Emerging Adult Center, were reportedly elated by the news. Greater scrutiny had, for the time being, been diverted. Staff expressed relief that no one would be questioning why their budgets balloon even as the city’s population and youth shrinks, or why they never quite manage to solve the problems they are paid handsomely to address, alongside the $60m tax funded Hudson City School District.
As of press time, Kamal remains unmoved, and the Grand Bargain, described by one source as the Geneva Convention of gentrification, hangs in the balance. Caitie Hilverman, PhD, and sixth generation Hudsonian, expressed displeasure that the Community was not consulted, but conceded, when pressed, that the insider politics felt like a charming return to Hudson’s 1990s vibes, and therefore historically appropriate, and provisionally sanctioned for the Hudson Library History Room wall of Grand Compromises.
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